He Values You

Drooping flowers.

Earlier this week, I shared a peek into a struggling season with Jesus I’ve been living through. It doesn’t dominate my every waking moment, but some days and hours are harder than others. 

One of the greatest gifts from Jesus through these difficult patches is his valuing of me.

As we sit on the shoreline crest and I sputter out my confusion or anger or sadness, I’m aware that I have his full attention. He’s not trying to sweep my struggle under the sand. He’s not telling me not to question or feel the things I do. He’s listening. He values what I feel and think and say. 

This morning, as we were walking on the beach again, I asked him what he would say to you today. 

He said he values you. 

Whatever you’re walking through today, he values you. You have his full attention.

He will walk with you and listen. He will look fully into your eyes. He will hold your hand if you’d like him to. He will put his arm around your shoulder. He will give you space if that’s what you need. 

This is a relationship of full and dignifying value. He values you completely. 

What is receiving value from Jesus like for you today?

What Would You Say to Him?

Shoreline.

Last week we talked a lot about the posture of Jesus toward you, and at the end of the week, we talked about taking Jesus up on his offer to simply be with you. We said it was the beginning, and that it was prayer. 

Did you say yes to Jesus? 

If not, the offer still stands. It always stands. 

And the very next step is conversation. 

What would you say to Jesus right now? 

As I’ve shared with you already, my conversations with Jesus happen so often on the shores of the beach lately. Could you imagine walking with Jesus on the beach, too? What does the beach look like? What are the two of you doing? 

Or perhaps another place feels more natural to you — a living room, your kitchen table, perhaps your favorite chair. 

Where can you imagine meeting Jesus? Take a moment to be with him in that place. What would you like to say to him there?

He Will Sing Over You

It says hello and good morning to you.

I have struggled with Jesus quite a lot the last few weeks. He has my heart, and he is the most beautiful, glorious vision in my life … and yet we have struggled. 

I have hard questions for him. Questions that plague my heart and soul. Questions that disrupt my days. Questions my mind can’t answer. 

My mind swims and swims, searching for answers, looking for sense, wanting to know God’s grace and truth in places that seem wanting. 

Where are you here? I ask. Where were you there?

I go round and round with him on this. I keep following the trail of questions. I notice almost imperceptible answers, and I follow them, too. 

At times, I think I have understood, and so I follow the trail back to the source of my question and begin the path again, seeing if the answer has come clear. But it still eludes me.

As much joy and life as I carry with me most days, there is a quadrant of my heart that suffers and grieves and weeps before Jesus, unable to know his heart toward me in these questions that I ask.

I’ve been weary. I’ve felt sad. 

This morning, I curled on the couch with my Bible to spend time with him. I opened to the psalms and read about his love. It is a love that never ends, I read. A love that never ends. 

And yet in these places of questions I hold, I have questioned his love. 

My mind started the litany of questions and possible answers again. I started to review them over and over again. And I felt weary. 

Eventually, I stopped.

I stopped talking and asking and positing and just laid my head against him. We were sitting on the beach, at the crest of the shoreline, shoes off, facing the waves. He sat on my right, and I just stopped talking and put my head against his shoulder. Rested my heart and mind. Rested all that work. Gave up, at least for the moment.  

And the next thing I knew, he was singing over me. 

He had his arm wrapped around my shoulder, and he sang quietly over me. It felt like being enfolded in his arms, fully safe and secure. Almost like a small child held in her mother’s arms, full of trust in her mother’s care.

And it was enough. 

In that moment, I felt his God-ness and my human-ness.

I saw that my questions mattered to him because I matter to him, but I also saw that he holds all things. Though I have been rattled, he is calm. He knows what he is doing. And if I don’t know and can’t comprehend, that is okay. He is God, and he knows.

He always knows.

He Wants to Make You Whole

Geometry in a bowl.

From the very outset, the aim of Jesus is to make you whole. 

It’s written all over the Gospels. He came to bind up the brokenhearted, give sight to the blind, restore the ears of the deaf. Everywhere he goes, he’s bent on healing those he meets. He tells the Pharisees, “Those who are well have no need of a doctor. I didn’t come for the well, but for the sick.”

This morning I read a line of Scripture that speaks so much tenderness of this each time I meet it: 

Then Jesus made a circuit of all the towns and villages. He taught in their meeting places, reported kingdom news, and healed their diseased bodies, healed their bruised and hurt lives.

— Matthew 9:35-36

When you walk with Jesus, this is what he’s about in you. Healing. Wholeness.

He wants to do this with your life: Orient you in truth. Establish you in strength. Root you in love. Blossom you in joy. 

In what ways might he make you whole? 

This Is the Beginning, This Is Prayer

Will we walk?

This week we’ve been talking about what Jesus has to say to you.

We heard him say that you don’t have to clean yourself up first before coming to him. We heard him say that he can handle all your truth. We learned that the main thing — the most blessed, precious thing — that he wants is simply to be with you and to know you. We explored one picture of what that kind of knowing can look like

Today, he is standing on the shoreline with this offer. 

And the offer is himself.

He is offering himself to you for a lifetime of receiving what it means to be deeply known, deeply loved, always guided, never alone. 

This is where it begins: stepping up to him on the shoreline and saying yes.

Choosing to walk with him. Choosing to let yourself be known by him. Choosing to walk in silence with him sometimes. Choosing also to listen.

This is prayer. This is the beginning. And we choose it again and again. 

Will you receive the offer of Jesus — the offer of himself, the gift of being known, and known, and known — today?

What Does It Mean for Him to Know You?

Spring had already come to some parts of our town.

It’s such a valid question.

If God already knows everything, then what does it mean that he wants to know us? Doesn’t he already know us?

This actually has more to do with us — with the experience of being known that we receive by opening ourselves to him.

Here’s an example. 

Let’s say you are a thirteen-year-old girl trying out for a theatre production. You’ve practiced and practiced your audition for weeks, and the part is hard. You have to sing and put a little personality and even choreography — if you’re brave enough — into your performance of it. The scripted lines require you to take some bold steps out of your usual reserved self and to be a bit brash, even a bit comedic.

The day of the audition comes, and you nail it. You give the best audition you could possibly give. 

Your mom was in the audience while you gave the audition. She saw how well you did. She knows how hard you worked. She’s been with you through every practice and every fear. She’s been with you on this whole long journey to the stage that you’ve taken all these years. 

She knows what this audition meant to you.

But afterward, in the car, she wants to hear all of it again. She gladly lets you bubble over and replay every single moment out loud — several times, if you want to. She nods and smiles right along with you through every play by play. She celebrates. She joins in. 

In this moment with your mom, you feel deeply known and know that you really are.

That’s how it is with Jesus. 

He may already know everything about you. He may already know the highest heights and lowest lows of your life. He may know the mundane details of your daily life and the struggles and questions you are holding right now. He may know all of it. 

But his knowing it already isn’t the main thing. 

The main thing is his sharing in it with you.

His great joy is the conversations he shares with you about every single bit of it and the being in it with you. 

That’s your great joy too: Being known. Being loved. Being celebrated and enjoyed and comforted and held. Being given every single thing you need. 

This is Jesus knowing you. This is what he wants.

He Wants to Know You

Light through leaves.

Yesterday, when Jesus said out loud that he can handle all your truth, the very next words out of his mouth were: 

“I want to know them.” 

And I thought, “Yeah. I guess that makes sense. I guess that is pretty clear.”

For him to say first thing that we don’t need to clean ourselves up and then to say he can handle all our truth, it becomes clear he wants mainly — more than anything — to just know us. To be with us. 

Don’t worry about getting clean. Don’t worry about whether your truth is too hard or too dirty or too much. 

Just come. 

He wants to know you. 

He Can Handle All Your Truth

Shadows.

Do you know that moment when sunlight hits a person’s eyes and their eyes become so clear you feel you can see straight into their soul? 

That is what I saw in Jesus’ eyes this morning. 

We were on the seashore, walking into the rising sun of mid-morning. I was a few steps ahead of him, turned to face him as he walked straight ahead, and I was waiting for the next words out of his mouth after those he spoke yesterday regarding you

The sunlight hit his eyes, and he said it: 

“I can handle all their truth.” 

What is it like for Jesus to be able to handle all your truth?

I think it’s kind of like a young child in the presence of their parent, scared to tell them the truth of something they’ve done. To them, it is the worst possible thing they can imagine having done in the small sphere of their whole wide world that they’ve experienced up to this point in their little life. 

But to the parent, there is nothing the child could have done that the parent can’t handle.

Why? Because the parent has a larger sphere of knowledge and experience. The parent’s scope of life is broader and deeper and stronger than the child’s. They can handle truth from a child-sized view, whatever that truth may be. 

That’s just a small glimpse of the way Jesus is with us. 

His scope of knowledge is broader and deeper than we can imagine. He knows all things — he is the source of all that exists, after all. He created it. He created us. And he has complete knowledge of us already.

So whatever we tell him isn’t a surprise. It doesn’t break him. He is too strong to be broken. 

If Jesus is strong enough to handle all of your truth, what truth would you speak to him?

You Don't Have to Clean Yourself Up First

Moss on tree.

In my prayer times with Jesus the last few months, we’ve been walking on a beach, going back and forth along a sandy shore, sometimes walking into the sunset and sometimes walking the other direction into the sun as it’s rising in the morning hours. Sometimes we stop and talk intently about something. Sometimes we play in the waves. 

A lot of the time, he’s enjoying me enjoying him. 

But today was different.

Today it wasn’t about my relationship with him and how he’s speaking to me personally. Today it was about you and what he wants to say to you in this space. 

I have a feeling he has a lot of things he wants to say to you. 

And so this morning, I was watching him as we walked and listening hard for what he had to say. “What do you want to say, Jesus?” I asked. “I’m listening.”

I listened and I listened, occasionally looking at him as we walked, waiting expectantly for him to share what was on his mind. 

The first thing he said was, “They don’t have to clean themselves up first when they come to me.” 

I thought of Peter and James and John and Andrew, how Jesus met them at their fishing nets while they worked in the afternoon sun, doing what they always did. He met them in the midst of their normal routine. They didn’t have to clean themselves up first before they followed him. They didn’t have to wash their hands of that fishy smell and stickiness. They just followed. 

I thought of the woman caught in adultery. Who knows how much clothes she was wearing when she was dragged out of that house, caught in the act? Maybe she had only a blanket draped over her as they cast her onto the ground at Jesus’ feet and accused her of wrongdoing. But Jesus didn’t freak out. He didn’t tell her to get dressed and come back when she looked presentable. He dealt with her accusers, and then he knelt down in the dirt and talked quietly to her. 

I thought of the woman at the well. She’d had five husbands in her life and was now living with her boyfriend. She was a social pariah with no friends, and Jesus knew it. But he didn’t tell her to get her act together before she followed him. Instead, he showed himself to be who he was — the Messiah — and she ran into town telling everyone. Even in her ministry of the truth of Jesus, her life was still in a bit of a shambles. 

That wasn’t the point for Jesus. The point was his knowing them, and their knowing him.

They didn’t have to clean themselves up first. And neither do you. 

Will you let Jesus meet you right where you are right now? What does that mean for you personally?

What Has He Revealed to You?

I love these colors, don't you?

Oh, I’ll guard with my life what you’ve revealed to me,

   guard it now, guard it ever.

— Psalm 119:44 

One of the best parts, for me, about talking with people about their life with God is learning how he is revealing himself to them right now

It could be an image that shows up and represents the current invitation of God in their life. It could be a passage of Scripture that keeps resounding over and over, inviting them deeper and deeper into what it speaks of their own life and heart. It could be a circumstance of life that teaches them a truth they can’t shake.

Together, we go deeper into those images and invitations and realizations. I get to witness what they have to teach each person. I get to be with a beautiful soul as they hit upon revelation, as they are pressed into wordlessness at the deeply personal invitation of God, at the intimate way he knows them. 

We savor. There is no hurry here.

Here, there is room for revelation to sink into the depths of one’s heart. Here, there is room for encounter with God and for response to be what it truly is. 

There really is nothing quite like it, for me.

It’s the most holy work I can imagine, and I am continually ecstatic, grateful, and humbled at the privilege of getting to do it over and over again.

That opportunity to notice where God is and to savor its truth and flavor is such a gift, I think, because it implants the learnings deep inside of us. 

Those revelations become true of our lives and journeys. They become road markers that tell us what is true of us. They become touchstones. They stay with us. 

It’s like what Psalm 119 says: we guard with our lives what he has revealed to us, guard it now, guard it ever.

What has God revealed to you? It it something you’re guarding with your life, now and ever? Why or why not?

Our Most Vulnerable Places, with Love

Where do the cracks lead?

I’ve been encountering the vulnerability of courageous, beautiful hearts lately, and such visions make my own heart seize up at the tenderness of it, make my own heart melt, make my breath stop short, make tears slide down my face. 

Words written from a deep-down place that feels like prayer, yet shared in the public spaces of a book’s pages, inviting us to see what that deep-down prayer is like for her. Her true heart. Courage.

Lyrics laced together from a deep-down place of truth meshed with hope and pain and sadness and longing, strung along notes that surprise us with a voice that arrests us. A different voice than any we’ve heard. A songstress giving us her own true heart. Courage. 

Images pieced together and collaged, laid over with words that speak the tender longing of a lonely, sad, but hopeful heart. Her courageous prayer.

Poetical words pieced together on page, confessing and yearning, hoping and fearing, all at once. Her true heart, full of so much beauty.

It isn’t easy to get to those deep-down places.

Such revelations require safety. Warmth. Invitation. Love. 

They require courage — courage that learns to muster when surrounded in warmth, invitation, safety, love.

In these places, our true glory dwells.

These are the places God lives. This is where he wants to meet us. It is where he wants to lead us. It is where we really live. 

Do you know your deep-down honest voice? Can you hear what it is saying now?

How Is He Leading You?

Where we're heading.

I love talking to people about their life with God. I can’t tell you how excited I get — literally, my heart starts pounding a little faster, I get a huge smile on my face, and sometimes I even get goosebumps — when talking with someone about their life with God and I start getting glimpses at what God is doing there. 

There’s really nothing like it in the rest of the world for me. 

This morning, I read a short passage in the psalms that highlighted a similar thought. The psalm said: 

You’re blessed when you stay on course,

   walking steadily on the road revealed by God.

You’re blessed when you follow his directions,

   doing your best to find him.

— Psalm 119:1-2

This is what our life with God is like. 

He reveals the road, the next steps, and we say yes. He has the plan in mind, and our part is to notice and respond. 

We’re blessed when we stay on his course, walking steadily on the road he reveals. We’re blessed when we follow his directions, doing our best to find him. 

What is God doing in your life right now? How is he leading you? 

"Blissfully Unaware": A Valuable Spiritual Practice

Morning glimpses.

When I wake up in the morning and choose to say yes to Lady Wisdom’s invitation to start my day, then checking my phone for e-mail is not the first thing I do. Getting up to date on Facebook’s news feed is not the second thing I do. Reading my Twitter timeline is not the third thing I do. Scrolling through my Instagram feed is not the fourth thing I do. 

When I say yes to wisdom’s invitation in the morning, I check my phone for the time, and that is it.

Then I stretch out and feel the softness of the pillow against my face. I revel in the coziness of the flannel sheets and heavy blankets keeping me warm. If Kirk is still in bed beside me, I turn to him and enjoy a few moments of conversation and connection. 

Then I make a french press pot of coffee and take the piping hot tumbler to my desk. I open my worn blue Message version of the Bible to the psalms, then flip to the other sections of the Scriptures that I’m steadily making my way through at the moment. I give Diva attention as she sits and begs for affection at my feet or jumps onto my lap or stands beside my Bible on the desk. I look out the window at the day unfolding before me — the wind waving through the moss hanging from the trees, the color of the sky, the squirrels running around on our driveway and our lawn.

On those days I say yes to wisdom’s invitation, I’m present to the morning, to the quiet, to my own heart, and to God in ways decidedly different than the mornings I launch straight into the clamor of technology. 

These are the days I feel centered. I feel rooted. I feel focused on the most important things. 

But when I connect to technology first, the day — and even my body — have a completely different feel.

I shake my leg at my desk and impulsively grab my phone to check for updates every few minutes. It’s hard for me to get quiet inside. Pulling my Bible in front of me and settling into its pages doesn’t hold much appeal. 

The day garners a frenetic energy, and I lose momentum on the most important things. I have a hard time being present to Kirk, much less anyone else. I feel lost and confused and unsure which way is up or which direction I should go next. 

It’s hard to remember sometimes, in those few seconds after waking, that ignorance really is bliss when it comes to starting my day. But hopefully, as I continue to notice the decidedly different feel the two different starts to my day offer me, I will choose more and more to be blissfully unaware from the start. 

Can you relate to this at all?

Choosing Grace Today

Craggy heart.

Kirk and I returned home late last night from a conference in Nashville we decided would be our birthday gift to each other this year. (Our birthdays are a day apart from each other in January.)

It was a very refreshing, invigorating time full of laughter, reflection, and great conversation. Also, we got to experience some bona fide winter weather, since it doesn’t really exist at all in Florida where we live.

But as I sat at my desk this morning and reflected on the gift of being back home and able to do my most favorite thing in the world — sit in the quiet with a mug of hot coffee beside me, Diva lingering nearby, and the Scriptures open on the table of my desk — I noticed a crowd of thoughts rushing into the forefront of my awareness that had been kept at bay all weekend. 

You didn’t eat well this weekend.

You didn’t hear your alarm go off for the road trip, which is why we left 3 hours later than planned.

You don’t belong in a crowd.

You didn’t interact with other people at the conference much. 

And on and on it goes. All kinds of accusing thoughts, seeking to diminish me and make me feel like a failure.

I didn’t eat well. It’s true. Road food is not good for the body, and restaurant eating all weekend wasn’t either. My body feels sluggish and deprived of the fruit and water and simple meals I’ve gotten used to feeding it, and now I must begin the uphill climb to retrain my body what to expect. 

I didn’t hear my alarm go off. It’s true. And that first hour and a half after waking up on the day we left for the trip was stressful for us both. We thought we might miss the first night of the conference because we got such a late start out. But it turned out okay. We learned Tennessee is in a different time zone than Florida, so we gained an unexpected hour on the road. There wasn’t any traffic in Gainesville or Atlanta or any other place we thought we’d find it. We made it to the hotel with enough time to get settled in and refresh. And we were more rested while driving than we would have been otherwise. 

I don’t belong in a crowd. It’s true. I’m an introvert and prefer one-on-one connections to crowds of two-hundred-plus. But we weren’t there for the crowd. We were there to learn and share with each other what we’d taken in. And that happened in abundance. The weekend offered us what we hoped it would — and more. 

I didn’t interact with others much. It’s true. Several networking opportunities presented themselves, and while the crowd busily mingled and chatted, I more often took the safe route of talking to Kirk or just one or two others already seated around me. There were people I hoped to meet, but such meetings never happened. But that’s okay. The people I did meet were nice. I enjoyed those quiet conversations. And my introverted self needed to not get pushed into an extrovert’s world. 

I guess what I’m saying is this. 

Accusation takes advantage of hitting us at every turn. It tells us what we’re doing wrong or how we’re not doing enough. It points its finger at every nook and cranny and every tiny crevice of our lives. It never, ever, ever lets up on us.

But grace abounds in each situation, too. Grace shows up to carry us through. 

I’d rather choose grace over accusation. I’m noticing grace’s invitation and choosing it today instead.

How about you?

"Man Is More Manlike . . ."

The view from here.

While reading a book over the holidays, I came across this quote by G. K. Chesterton that has continued to stay with me: 

Man is more himself, man is more manlike, when joy is the fundamental thing in him, and grief the superficial.

— G. K. Chesterton, Orthodoxy

I’ve known quite a bit of grief in my life. 

Some of those griefs are more obvious than others. Some made pricks with the tiniest pin at the time they grazed me, almost without my noticing, until the pain of it came cascading down in a torrent fifteen or twenty years later. 

For many, many years, such grief and pain were the major themes of my story. 

But that isn’t the case anymore.

I give full credit to the healing work of Christ’s love in my life for that. (I wrote about one of those threads of healing that happened in my life 10 years ago on the blog for Spring Arbor’s graduate program earlier this week.)

Here is something true.

There was a time I couldn’t fathom telling my story any other way than through its prism of pain. But I’ve since learned there is completely new and free and joy-filled life on the other side of sorrow, when we are met in the honest depths of our pain with love.

Such love brings about a life that eventually makes the pain small. It is a love that eventually helps us know joy as the main thing, and grief as the minor. 

Can you relate to either sides of this story — living inside the depths of grief, or emerging on the other side of it into healing’s joy? What have you learned through either experience?

It's Nature and Nurture

Right now.

I was reading Psalm 104 earlier this week and deeply encouraged on so many levels — namely, with the recognition that it is nature and nurture that make us who we are. 

The psalm speaks mainly of the natural world — of oceans and mountains and all kinds of animals. Here is a portion of the text: 

You blanketed earth with ocean,

   covered the mountains with deep waters;

Then you roared and the water ran away —

   your thunder crash put it to flight.

Mountains pushed up, valleys spread out

   in the places you assigned them.

You set boundaries between earth and sea;

   never again will earth be flooded.

You started the springs and rivers,

   sent them flowing among the hillls.

All the wild animals now drink their fill,

   wild donkeys quench their thirst.

Along the riverbanks the birds build nests,

   ravens make their voices heard.

You water the mountains from your heavenly cisterns;

   earth is supplied with plenty of water.

You make grass grow for the livestock,

   hay for the animals that plow the ground.

God’s trees are well-watered —

   the Lebanon cedars he planted.

Birds build their nests in those trees;

   look — the stork at home in the treetop.

Mountain goats climb about the cliffs;

   badgers burrow among the rocks.

The moon keeps track of the seasons,

   the sun is in charge of each day.

When it’s dark and night takes over,

   all the forest creatures come out.

The young lions roar for their prey,

   clamoring to God for their supper.

When the sun comes up, they vanish,

   lazily stretched out in their dens.

Meanwhile, men and women go out to work,

   busy at their jobs until evening.

What a wildly wonderful world, God!

   You made it all, with Wisdom at your side,

   made earth overflow with your wonderful creations.

Oh, look — the deep, wide sea,

   brimming with fish past counting,

   sardines and sharks and salmon.

Ships plow those waters,

   and Leviathan, your pet dragon, romps in them.

All the creatures look expectantly to you

   to give them their meals on time.

You come, and they gather around;

   you open your hand and they eat from it.

If you turned your back,

   they’d die in a minute —

Take back your Spirit and they die,

   revert to original mud;

Send out your Spirit and they spring to life —

   the whole countryside in bloom and blossom.

— Psalm 104 

We’ve been talking quite a bit these days about the true self and the false self.

I would define the true self as the image God had in mind for us when he conceived to create us. It is a self connected to God and rooted in the reality of God’s good intention for our existence.

I would define the false self as anything in us that separates or disconnects us from God and our true self. This can include original sin, chosen sin, or simply the distractions and diversions that we seek out in an attempt to build ourselves up into an image we’ve created for ourselves, rather than the image already given to us by God that is deeply good and beautiful. 

In this passage above, I see so much that speaks to these dynamics, both in the ways we were created to exist (the true self) and the ways we can be de-formed away from that existence (the false self). 

Let’s begin with the way God created the earth and all that dwells within it.

In its serene, contented, intended state, all of creation responds to God and is given everything it needs by God. We see the plants and animals and livestock responding to their existence by simply going about it. They eat grass that never stops growing up for them, they build nests with endless supplies for the making of them, they trust God for their next meal. 

This is the intended existence of life: being who we were made to be, un-self-conscious about it, and trusting God for everything good thing. 

But then think about what happens to animals when they’re harmed. 

When I read this passage the other day, I thought about my lovely cat Diva.

Kirk rescued her as a kitten from behind an opera house (hence her name), but she was a matted, mewling mess. She’d been abandoned, and the elements had not been good to her. She weighed next to nothing, and she skitted away from human contact. It was only because of the immediate way Solomon took to her that day — Solomon, whom Kirk was also rescuing that day — as he began licking her all over, cleaning her fur, as soon as they were set down in a box together, that Kirk knew Diva was going home with him that day.

When it came time for me to meet Diva for the first time, about six years after she’d come to live with Kirk, he warned me she would likely run away and hide under a table or couch, scared. But instead she came near, smelled my feet, rubbed against my legs, allowed me to bend down and run my hand along her back quite a few times. 

Over the last seven years of my life with Diva, she’s grown. She still gets skittish, especially fighting against too much presence crowding her space if you hold her close to your chest, but she has a quiet confidence about her. She rests next to me on my desk each morning, content to simply be with me. She waits expectantly by my chair, staring up at me with an unending gaze of plaintive eyes, begging me to give her some affection and completely unafraid to ask for it. She has grown a very full and soft, downy coat of fur (and a little bit of a healthy-sized belly!). 

Nurture has affected her — both for ill (in the early days of her life) and for good (thanks to kindness and unconditional care).

We know this to be true of all animals, too. Those who’ve been abused become frightened or, sometimes, angry and abusive themselves. But the psalm shows the true, intended state of the animal kingdom to be that of peace and trust.

So it is with us. 

We have a seed of God in us — it is the presence of our true self. We also have the seed of the fall of mankind in us, as well as the seeds of all that has nurtured us toward health or harm. 

We are both. 

We Form by Degrees

One lone beauty.

I was talking to a dear friend of mine earlier this week who just finished her second half-marathon. I am so not a runner and can’t imagine doing something like that myself, but I absolutely admire and stand in awe of her for setting her mind and body to doing it and then accomplishing it. 

Because this was her second half-marathon, running has clearly been a part of her life for some time now.

I remember when she declared her goal to run a half-marathon the first time, and then I watched her join a formal running group and incorporate training runs into her weekly schedule. 

After her first half-marathon, she shared with me that she’s discovered running is most fun for her in the sweet spot of about 5-6 miles. She wasn’t sure she’d run a half-marathon again since she’d learned that about herself.

But then last fall, when she came to stay with me for a week, she’d recently made the decision to train for this second one.

I remember waking up one morning during her visit last fall to learn that she’d already gone for a 2-mile run in our neighborhood, having pulled up our address on Google Maps and mapped out what seemed like a good route for herself. And then I watched her sit at our farmtable in our front room that same morning and plan out her training schedule for the next few months, steadily marking an increase in mileage for each week that would get her up to the 13.1-mile race day.

When we spoke earlier this week about the race she’d completed over the weekend, it just struck me with so much force: 

“Katy,” I said. “It’s kind of amazing that you’ve become the kind of person who can run 13 miles in one go. All your training has led to you being someone who has that capacity now.”

She didn’t used to be the kind of person who could run 13.1 miles. But now she is. Her wise and intentional training led her there. 

It gets me thinking about spiritual formation. 

We are human beings designed for growth.

We grow in the womb, and then we proceed to continue growing outside the womb in so many different directions. In fact, it seems the nature of every living thing is bent toward growth. Animals do it, trees and plants do it, and sometimes I wonder if the growth element God seemed so keen on implanting in living things will continue somehow still in heaven.

And our growth always happens by degrees.

It’s so tempting to think of the ideal life of Christ — or even just our ideal notion of a Christian — and expect ourselves to be able to live like that once we have given our lives to Christ.

We forget, or perhaps do not even know, that life in Christ is about formation. We grow in Christlikeness over time. We grow deeper into our true selves over time. 

Growth always happens by degrees. 

In what places are you growing right now? What is it like for you to focus on this “next right degree” Christ is about forming in you, rather than an ideal, fully formed image of Christlike perfection?

The True Self, the False Self, and the Reality of Self

One lone branch.

Sometimes I get tripped up when thinking about the true self and false self. Does that ever happen to you? 

It can happen like this. 

I’m aware of my true, created life in God, and when I’m living life from that place, everything within and around me becomes timeless. Everything holds a glow of beauty and perfection because God-in-everything becomes so evident in that place. Purity of heart, mind, body, and spirit abounds. 

Living in that place, I experience rest and hope and joy. I can breathe, and I can say with full conviction it is well with my soul.

But I don’t live from that posture of my true self all of my living, breathing moments. 

There’s also the false self.

This is the scrappy, stingy, worried, anxious, competitive, blaming, conniving self. It’s a distracted, consuming self. In its more tempered moments, it’s simply a shell of a real self. 

I don’t live all my living, breathing moments from this place, either. 

They’re both there.

I’m continually invited or compelled toward one or the other by forces outside myself and by habits built up within myself. On any given day, I’m an admixture of my true self and false self.

That admixture creates the reality of self. 

The reality of self is who I am in this very moment, living on this very earth, walking in this very moment deeper into my formation. 

Will I be formed more fully into my true self?

Will I be de-formed by my false self?

These are the living, breathing questions faced by the reality of self each day.

And this place of still forming — of reflecting on the reality of our formation in still moments and of acknowledging that we are forming, still, each day that we live — is one place those questions meet with our appraisal.

The True Self as Particular and Universal

Light through leaves.

I don’t know about you, but I’m finding our recent discussions about the true self so interesting and exciting. 

On our last post — which invited us to look at the moments we find ourselves restfully invigorated (if I might coin that phrase) and consider the question “What is it about that rest?” so we might gain greater insight into our true selves — a couple more thoughtful and insightful comments were left by our readers in response. 

Rebecca said: 

For me, it isn’t so much the actual activity, but Posture of my heart. For instance, I can come to the activity of bathing the children and putting them to bed with a grumbling, frustrated heart that is thinking about the DUTY and TASK ahead. When I do that, I find myself exhausted and joyless… Looking forward to just being done! But, when I come to it filled with gratitude for four healthy children, for being able stay home and care for them, with wonder at the miracle of love that I see blossoming in my very own home, the same task becomes a joyous event and I am invigorated instead of exhausted.

When I read Rebecca’s comment, the first thought I had was, “Rebecca’s true self is grateful!” It’s in a posture of gratitude that she finds that invigorated joy, which tells me that deep down, at her very core, she was made to be someone who lives in gratitude.

(Sidenote: I’ve been reading a book by Ann Voskamp called One Thousand Gifts, and it puts forth the idea that all of us find life, salvation, joy, and rest in this continual posture of gratitude. It’s a remarkable and moving book that I highly recommend, if you haven’t read it already.)

Then Leanne shared a bit more about her experience of watering the transplanted flower: 

I think for me it’s being present. Not thinking about what I’m doing next, or one step in front of the other, or thinking about what happened yesterday. Not thinking about the duty (about the guilt of not watering the rose the day before like I was supposed to), the responsibility like Rebecca said, the grumbling heart …

 

It’s weird but it’s being present, in the moment, and not being obsessed with myself or what others think of me. Self kinda doesn’t even come into it.

I got excited when I read Leanne’s comment because it made me think of a recent discovery I’d had about the true self, too: that the true self is un-self-conscious

I believe that in some ways, our true selves are particular — tied to the specific persons that we are, the unique personalities, talents, desires, and stations of our lives that God gave to each one of us to incarnate.

But this conversation, in which we’re beginning to reflect on the foundation of those “restfully invigorated” moments we encounter in our lives, may reveal aspects of the true self that transcend particularity. 

The true self may always be a self that is filled with gratitude. The true self may always be un-self-conscious. The true self may always be found fully immersed in the present moment.

The true self may be many things — universally, for all of us — that depend not on our specific particularities but simply on our bearing the image of God.

What do you think?

What Is It About That Rest?

Morning.

Earlier this week, I suggested that our true selves bring rest into our being. Even while moving around in the world or going out and about our days, being connected to and living out of our true selves brings an invigoration and joy and peace that doesn’t include exhaustion. 

I invited you to look around your life for the places you find such rest. Where is your true self cropping up in your life?

One of the readers here, Leanne, shared the following response: 

It’s really hard to find that true rest. I like that you identify the false self being what exhausts us, but where I seem to find true rest is in fleeting moments (like this morning while I was watering the newly transplanted rose and just looking around), or when I’m on retreat at a monastery. Maybe I need to just look around more.

I love the contrast of these two moments Leanne shared with us about her places of true rest: a fleeting moment of watering a transplanted rose and the more sustained experience of going on retreat to an out-of-the-way place like a monastery. 

This comment made me want to push the conversation a little deeper with all of you. Let’s look at those places we experience rest and actually consider them.

What is it about those moments and experiences of rest that bring a connection to your true self? Why does that particular kind of moment or experience bring life and ease and even joy to your life, do you think?