A Snippet to Make You (and Me) Laugh

Hi there, friends.

Today's been a hard day for me. I wrote yesterday that the events of the week seem to be catching up with me, and I woke today with the exact same feeling. I had tasks I had hoped to accomplish today, but somehow the energy for all of them was nowhere to be found.

So I did what I mentioned I might, and I took myself to see a movie! Just a short date with myself in the middle of the afternoon. (I love taking myself on a date to the movies, don't you?)

I went to see The Social Network (the link takes you a page where you can watch the trailer), which is a dramatization of the story behind the creation of Facebook. I loved it! It's brilliantly cast and superbly written, and the tension in the story (which the trailer depicts perfectly) builds higher and higher until everything almost explodes. I definitely want to see it again.

To be truthful, though, I think the movie is now contributing a bit more to my melancholia. Jesse Eisenberg, the actor depicting Mark Zuckerberg in the film, does such a good job representing Zuckerberg that I told Kirk later, "However much of the movie is inaccurate to the truth of what really transpired in real life, it doesn't matter. For every viewer of this movie, Jesse Eisenberg is Mark Zuckerberg, and what happened in the movie is what we will all now believe happened in real life."

That's pretty powerful storytelling.

But what happened in the movie was sad, in my opinion. Zuckerberg struck me as very lonely (though it was hard to tell if he cared he was lonely), and also quite vengeful. The spiritual director in me couldn't help wanting to know more of his story. I wanted to know what goes on in his head, since he holds so much of himself locked up inside. And then, as I drove home from the movie, I found myself wondering about his parents. They were nowhere to be seen in the film, and I couldn't help but wonder what they make of the brilliance and fame of their son, who is the youngest billionaire in the history of the world.

I don't know. I guess it was the perfect (or not-so-perfect?) film for my day because I've been carrying quite a bit of sadness around with me. I'm feeling so sad about Ewan, especially as I know Kirsten is preparing for what no mother -- and especially no brand-new mother -- should ever have to prepare for: a memorial service for her little son. How is that even possible? I hate this so much for her. Just hate it.

And I'm feeling sadness about my transition away from my previous job, as I worked each day with people I care a lot about, and we were working in our own small way to change the world together. Much of my heart was invested in that place, and I'm feeling the sadness of losing that part of my heart right now.

So tonight, as I noticed these sad feelings, I found myself wanting a bit of Marcel the Shell in my life, so I thought I would share him with you. This little shell is just adorable, and I hope you enjoy him as much as I do. I discovered him just a few days ago via Twitter, and already I have watched this clip at least 10 times. It makes me giggle every time. Totally a tonic when you need a bit of a mood lift.

PS: I love the part where Marcel talks on the phone, and I also love the part where he drags around his little lint pet. :-)

PPS: What's your favorite part?

It's All Catching Up to Me Now

Hi there, friends.

I shared in yesterday's post that the transition to a new season of part-time work and attending to the needs of my heart and household was leaving me feeling refreshed and full. But it's amazing to me how different one day can be from the next because today I have such little energy. I think the events of this week have finally caught up with me.

In all truth, it's been a week of significant moments.

There is the tremor that shook the community of which I am a part when my dear friend Kirsten and her husband James lost their little boy after he fought valiantly in his two short weeks of life. It is still quite unreal to me that this is the reality my dear, sweet, beautiful friend is holding right now. It is still almost too tragic to be true. But it is true, and that has been weighing on my heart heavily this week.

And then there was the decision to step away from my full-time job, which has held so much of my heart this year. It was such a difficult decision to make, and it comes with its own share of heartache.

Not only was that decision momentous, but it was followed by an intense two-day transition out of my role there after the decision was made. I wanted to leave well and with all of my cares in order there, so those two days were filled with ensuring I finished well.

Then yesterday brought its own share of transitions. It was the first day of my new chapter, and it was also the first day at my new part-time job. Both of these are exciting realities in my world, and yesterday was indeed a very fun and joy-filled day, but these new realities also carry importance to me. I feel their significance in great measure.

This has indeed been a week, then, of great change, transition, and care.

And like I said above, it has finally begun catching up with me. I've been a bit more sluggish today, able to handle less activity, and altogether just in need of a good, long nap. I think tomorrow I will take myself to a movie. :-)

Refreshed and Full

Cypress knees and light-tipped leaves at the 

Kraft Azalea Gardens in Winter Park, FL.

Hello there, friends.

Today was such a refreshing day, and as I sit here writing this, my heart feels very, very full.

It was the first day in a new chapter of my story that finds me paring back pretty significantly to the most essential values in my life. I said goodbye yesterday to a group of people I dearly love at a company I very much care about in order to focus more intently on the rebirth of life in my heart. Today marked a significant step forward, then, into this new chapter of mine. It marked a commitment to the reclamation of my heart.

That commitment will take several forms, the first of which is a transition to part-time work. I've been loosely connected to a local publisher here in town for a little while now, but we've never had an opportunity to work together until now. This time, the timing worked out just right for me and for them, so I spent several hours today getting oriented to the work they do and the specific role they have asked me to play in that work. I'm looking forward to what the days ahead hold in working with them!

It's such a gift that I have the opportunity to work part-time right now, as that's really what I need in order to attend to some other areas of my life and heart that need a bit of nurture. And what's more, the bulk of my hours are able to be completed from my very favorite working space: my little corner of our cute home!

I'm so thankful for this new space in life I'm being granted right now that will allow for the intentional cultivation and care of my heart. It needs so much love and space and time and quiet right now, and I can hardly believe the gift of that space and time and quiet is upon me. I am so, so grateful.

I said at the beginning of this post that I feel refreshed and full. It's true. The weather in Central Florida has been positively gorgeous this week: the skies are clear, the breeze is cool, the air is crisp, and there is virtually zero humidity. When I stepped outside at one point today, I couldn't help looking up at the clear blue sky and exclaiming aloud, "What a beautiful day!"

Already the gift of this new and more slow-paced season is producing incredible amounts of joy and energy inside me. When I got home from my new job today, I pushed through a number of household tasks with industriousness and enjoyment and have ended the day feeling full, refreshed, and like my presence in this world is perhaps, once again, a very good thing.

In Sadness and Silence

Two souls that know one another

The last 24 hours have held such incredible heartache. My dear friend Kirsten and her loving husband James said goodbye to their beautiful baby boy. They held him in their arms in his final moments of life as he moved quietly from this life to the next. He went to be with Jesus.

What words can be said? Only love and tears.

So many times today, I have found myself stopping at odd moments and sitting for long minutes in silence. Tears well in my eyes. My stomach clenches in sadness. My heart aches, and I push all the love I hold for this dear friend out from my body on a 3,000-mile journey northwest to where she lives, from my one far corner of the country to her at the other, just sending her all my love, just sharing with her and James in their sadness.

I have closed my eyes in prayer so many times. Asking God for mercy. Asking Jesus to bring his peace. Asking God to be kind, and present, and gentle, and to surround them and all those near to them with all the love God has to give.

Tonight I also have spent time with the photograph above. From the first moment I saw it, just a few days after Ewan's birth, this photograph moved me so. It speaks so much of how well this mama and her little one knew one another, don't you think?

And from this day forward, whenever I think of Kirsten and her precious little Ewan, this is the image that will always remain: the intent way they had of studying one another. This tiny soul that knew his mama, knew he belonged to her, and she to him. She knew him, and he knew her: they belonged to each other, and they still do.

It's one of the most precious sights I've ever beheld, this photograph. I will carry it in my mind and heart each day as I love and pray for this friend, for her beloved husband James, and for all (even me) who grieve the loss of this little one's beautiful life.

To read the beautiful story of the last hours Kirsten and James spent with Ewan, click here.

Eye Candy Treats for You

Hello there, friends!

It's a late night for me, as I've been working hard to finish a freelance project and get it off to the super-awesome publisher before bed. And now that the work is done, I have time for a quick play session with you before heading off to dream sweet dreams.

I've decided to keep this one simple and simply share some lovely eye candy treats with you. In fact, I may make this an occasional "eye candy" series and share random images with you from our daily life and shared experiences from time to time. Nothing fancy . . . just some photos that capture moments we've shared and recall to mind fond memories in our life together so far.

That being said, this particular handful of photos were all taken by Kirk, and all of them were captured in chance moments we shared during our first few months as a couple.

Enjoy!

 Glance of elbow and clothes, taken on the Winter Park Boat Tour. 

June 2005

 Such friendly sunflowers! 

Taken in Kirk's kitchen during our first visit. 

June 2005

Beautiful sunrise in Cambridge, England.

August 2005

Quiet morning streets of Cambridge, England.

August 2005

Really cool tree found on Addison's Walk in Oxford, England.

August 2005

The Beautiful Sounds & Soul of Amy Seeley

I want to introduce you to Amy Seeley.

I first learned of Amy through a woman I deeply adore, affectionately known in blogland as Boho Girl. Several times over the last couple years, Boho Girl (aka Denise) has blogged about Amy, her music, and their friendship. I believe at one point Denise even shared the video above on her blog.

One day, after reading one of these posts Denise had written, I finally decided it was time to jump in and experience Amy's music for myself. I went to iTunes and began sampling several of the albums. But as can happen sometimes when discovering a talented artist with several albums already published, I just couldn't decide which album should be my first official introduction to the music of Amy Seeley.

So I decided to wait.

Sometime later, I came across a photographer by the name of David Jay. He, too, was blogging about this remarkable pianist, lyricist, and vocalist named Amy Seeley, and he shared about a day they had spent together on the Westmont College campus in Santa Barbara. He was just beginning to pair some of her beautiful music with his beautiful wedding photography, and I found the music and images such an appropriate complement to one another.

I fell in love with Amy Seeley again that day. But still I waited.

Even though it took me long to climb into the songs and sounds of Amy Seeley, I'm so glad I waited as long as I did. Do you know why? Because when the time finally emerged for me to "meet" Amy Seeley in her music, the course of events also brought with it a chance to meet Amy in real life -- in Portland, in fact, which happens to be where she lives.

I could hardly believe the way our paths began to collide as Kirk and I prepared to head to Portland and I connected to Amy via e-mail about the full-collection purchase I wanted to make through her website. When we discovered our paths would overlap in Portland, she was kind enough to head downtown on Monday afternoon to meet me at Powell's Books at the end of our Monday session.

There she stood, on the corner outside the store, waiting for me with three CDs in her hand, all wrapped up in a silky brown bow. She was adorable. And sweet. And so very present in her giving of hugs and in asking about our experience of the conference. We didn't have many long moments to share on that day, but I was left with the impression of having met a very special, kind, and spiritual soul.

In preparation for our flight home the next day, I loaded all three of Amy's albums on my iPod for company on the plane. And oh, did I swoon! Amy's lyrics and voice are so tender and attentive. Her fingers on the piano embed music on the soul with rhythmic grace, strength, and vulnerability. I told her today that her music is a new companion for my soul.

I love discovering a new artist whose music becomes a companion for my soul, don't you? Amy's music is certainly that for me.

(And if you're interested in giving Amy's music a try and want suggestions on the best place to start, I would humbly recommend her Call It Life EP. I've been listening to that particular album on repeat for two days straight!)

xoxo,
Christianne

Video Challenge Day 10: Reflections on the Challenge

Hello, friends.

We are back from Portland, and of course the kitties are thrilled. We think they must have some kind of sixth sense that tells them we're finally on our way back home. Both of them were waiting at the door when we walked in, ready to follow us around the house until we gave them the affection they craved.

This 10-day video challenge has been quite an accomplishment for me, and in the video I share some of the reasons why. I'm so glad I did it!

I also share a bit about my intention for this space going forward. I hope you'll continue to join me here and find refreshment for your own spirit, just as I'll be finding refreshment for mine.

Thanks for being here for the relaunch of this blog and the 10-day challenge!

xoxo,
Christianne

Video Challenge Day 9: On Saving Many Lives

Hello there, friends.

There is much to process about the story conference we just finished with Donald Miller, and Kirk and I expect it will take us quite a bit of time to unpack all the rich treasures it held for us.

Rather than try to process through the conference in one short video post, I decided to share one huge takeaway from the conference that I'm pondering and holding close to my heart right now.

And then tomorrow, we head home.

It will be a long day of travel, but I look forward to wrapping up the 10-day video challenge with a reflective closing post about this series tomorrow night when we get home. (And can I just say . . . I am really looking forward to snuggling with this little one and this little one as soon as we walk in the door!)

xoxo,
Christianne

Video Challenge Day 8: The Storyline Conference

Hello there!

It's late here, and tomorrow is shaping up to be an early morning and very full day, so I'll keep this post short and sweet.

Simply put, I am loving this conference. In the video, I share my first four reasons why.

If you want to know more about Lucy, whom I mention in the video, click here for several posts on Don Miller's blog that he wrote from Lucy's perspective. (Isn't that fun?)

Also, if you're curious to know more about Storychange, which I mention toward the end of the video, you can get some of the backstory here, here, and here.

PS: I removed my glasses for this one because the lamp behind my laptop kept casting a glare on my glasses, and I thought that would be kind of distracting.

PPS: You'll notice I have quite a habit of reaching up to adjust my glasses, even when they're not physically on my head. :-)

Video Challenge Day 7: Welcome to Portland!

Hi everyone!

I'm writing this post from Peet's Coffee and Tea Shop in downtown Portland, right up the block from our very cool and swanky hotel. (Seriously . . . how many hotels give you an option for seven different varieties of pillow to enjoy, along with an option of ten different holy books you can order to your room, depending on your personal faith tradition? I'm impressed.)

In this video, I share several of the reasons I love traveling with Kirk, and you get a peek into some of the special trips we've enjoyed together in our life so far. (I actually wrote a post after our honeymoon about the favorite place in Paris I mention in the video, which you can read here.)

By the way, I usually record these videos with the screen blacked out so that I can focus on talking directly to you, instead of being distracted by my own image as I talk to the screen. So I didn't realize, toward the end of the video, that Kirk exits the bathroom behind me and sits on the bed, just barely visible to you as I am completing the video.

He asked me to tell you he sends his regards. :-)

Video Challenge Day 6: Heading Out of Town!

Hi there, everyone!

This sixth installment in the 10-day video challenge is just a quick update for you, as Kirk and I are prepping the house and our bags for a trip out of town!

First, though, thank you ever so much for your prayers for baby Ewan last night. Kirsten is continuing to keep the community updated through regular postings to the Team Ewan blog. I'd encourage you to head over there and read how God is answering the prayers of the saints as we hold up this little one before his face.

And second, we'll be in the Pacific Northwest for the next four days, and I'll post these daily updates from there so you can spy on what we're doing with our time each day. It's going to be a blast, I know!

PS: Here is info on the conference we're attending.

PPS: Here is Donald Miller's uber-thoughtful blog.

PPPS: I highly recommend the two books I mentioned in the video, Blue Like Jazz and A Million Miles in a Thousand Years.

Dear Jesus, Have Mercy

I haven't had a chance to write actual blog posts here yet . . . so here we go. I need to write this out.

Jesus, we need your mercy for baby Ewan.

If you read back through the archives on this blog, you will quickly learn I have a very dear friend of my heart named Kirsten. We met in college nearly 15 years ago but didn't become close until six years after graduation, when both of us took up blogging. Then we became fast friends. (You can listen to a fun StoryCorps interview we recorded together here.)

Here is what I know about Kirsten. She is beautiful and lively and lovely and amazing. She is a truly gifted writer, a talented photographer, and a faithful friend. She is goofy, silly, and hilarious. She is thoughtful, deep, and wise. She's a fighter, and she's a lover . . . and so much more.

I adore her.

It was my privilege to stand up with her at her wedding. And it was a joy to learn she was carrying her first baby soon after. And then it was pure heartache to learn that the baby was not completely well inside her womb.

Over this past year, I've shared here and there about the difficulty of walking in darkness. The truth is, I have spent the whole of this past year in a fog. I haven't been myself, and what is worse, I haven't been present much at all for those I most dearly love, including Kirsten.

It saddened me to know that Kirsten was walking through one of the most life-changing experiences of her life without my full and unequivocal presence in our friendship. It tore me up even more to know that she was walking through an exceedingly difficult pregnancy with more than her own fair share of darkness along the way.

And I wasn't there.

One of the great gifts of the light that finally emerged on my horizon in the past couple weeks was an increasing ability to be present to this dear friend of my heart in this pivotal time. Finally, my heart was back . . . and I could love her a little better than I had been able to for a while.

I'm so thankful for the timing of this because of the life-altering experiences she's experienced this past week. Kirsten went into labor on Friday night and had little baby Ewan on Saturday morning, two-and-a-half weeks early.

These first five days of Ewan's little life have been full of so many emotions for my friend, as I'm sure you can imagine. I have watched her, through the camera lens, discover a deeper love than she has ever known existed before, and I have watched her grapple with fears and sadness because he has a broken heart.

Tonight, after a long-awaited test, Kirsten and James learned that Ewan's heart prognosis is grim. He was ordered into an emergency surgery, and right now they're enduring the countdown of several hours of waiting, waiting, waiting . . . and praying, praying, praying. Even though they knew surgeries were ahead, they never expected them to come so urgently and immediately. It is a scary night for them.

Will you please join me in praying for baby Ewan, as well as Kirsten and James? They need our prayers and love so much this night.

Lord Jesus, please have mercy.

Video Challenge Day 5: Worship

Hello there, friends.

So, today's video post for the video challenge is as much of a surprise to me as it may be to you: I sing a few songs!

I found myself thinking, "Eeeeks! I am about to get really vulnerable in public right now!" as I saved and uploaded this post.

But this isn't about me. It's about God. And how worthy of worship our God really is.

I hope these songs somehow usher you into a deeper communion with God, no matter where you find yourself in your faith journey.

Amen.

Video Challenge Day 4: Of Moons and Names

Hello there!

Kirk and I discovered there is a harvest moon on the rise tonight, so this video shares a bit about a spontaneous adventure we took to enjoy a bit of that sight.

Also, isn't "Lilies Have Dreams" an unusual name? In this video, I share the story behind that name with you.

PS: I mention that I started this blog in May 2006, but when digging through the archives to find the post I mentioned in the video, I discovered it was actually April 2006. Details, details.

PPS: My apologies for the grainy texture of the video quality. I waited until after dark to record it, and at that point had only my lonely desk lamp for lighting!

PPPS: Diva makes yet another surprise cameo on tonight's video, although you never quite see her face emerge for the camera. Oops! When she and I say goodnight at the end of the clip, just imagine her cute face and big blue eyes peering back at you. :-)

Video Challenge Day 3: Favorite Things

Hello there!

On this third day of the video challenge, I've decided to share with you some of my favorite things. I had a lot of fun thinking up a few things in my world that make me smile . . . and I noticed most of them are simple, everyday pleasures.

What about you? What are some of your favorite things today?

PS: Please join me in welcoming Solomon and Diva as unexpected guests on today's video. :-)

PPS: You can see a photo of the kind of whimsical beauty I describe is common to Florida on another post I wrote here.

Video Challenge Day 2: The Yellow Butterfly

Hi there!

I haven't been feeling too up to snuff today, so I didn't plan anything extraordinary for today's video installment (and you'll see that my hair is quite a bit scruffy from my long afternoon nap!). But I did want to share a story with you today that has been inspiring me on a daily basis, and I'd love to hear your perspective on it.

In the video, I mention my pastor and his family and the blog that Ava Hunter's dad, Josh, was keeping on a daily basis in the aftermath of her diagnosis. Josh is still maintaining that blog, and you can access it here.

Also, I mention a post he wrote that invited people to share stories of how Ava's life had changed their lives, and you can read those inspiring stories (over 300 of them!) here. The story of the yellow butterfly that I talk about in the video is also found inside those comments.

It totally amazes me how one little girl with incredible spunk and determination and sweetness and love had the ability to affect thousands of people in the course of her short life. Do you want to see a picture of this beautiful little one? You can see a photo that will melt your heart here.

I'm Back! (And With a 10-Day Video Challenge)

Hello, beautiful lovelies.

After a year's hiatus from this space, I've decided that the time is ripe for a return and relaunch. Oh, I am so excited!

I plan to share more of the story behind the relaunch with you over the coming weeks, but for now I'm popping in to say hello and to share the good news of this return. It's going to be full of yummy goodness . . . I can just taste it!

In the video above, I share the news of the relaunch with you, but I also mention a 10-day video challenge that I've decided to take. I first learned about the challenge from Charlie Gilkey at Productive Flourishing (see his post about it here) and from Rachel Acklin at the Caffeinated Elf (with her adorable first video found here). Since I was already anticipating a return to this beloved blog, they inspired me to use the challenge for the official relaunch. Isn't that a fun idea?

I hope you'll join me in the video challenge (and let me know in the comments if you want to!).

And until I have a chance to share the full story of this blog's return, here's a peek into at least one part of the reason why.

Much love,
Christianne

Hello to You from Me

No Longer Operating at 130 Percent

When I was going into third grade, my mom had me tested for the gifted program at my school. I met with a child psychologist and had to push together and solve a whole slew of different puzzles in a certain amount of time. And at the end of it, I was found to be a young girl of above average intellect who poured everything she had -- and then some -- into everything she did. The psychologist found that I regularly functioned at 130 percent of my capacity.

My mom shared the results of that test with me once I'd grown older, and I wasn't sure what to think when I learned this news. I'd always performed well and stood at or near the top of my classes. I wanted to believe all that effort and all those results meant I was, in fact, a genius. But in truth, I wasn't. I was a smart, capable girl who applied herself wholeheartedly.

Now many years beyond my discovery of those test results, the greater significance of that IQ test continues to demonstrate itself. It amazes me still to realize that seven-year-old girl who took that test had already discovered and readily inhabited her false-self mold. It cannot be clearer than it is for me today that it was my false self that showed up that day and every other day beside it. Only a false self learns to operate above and beyond the actual capacity of a person (or below it, for that matter).

As I shared in my last post, I've been discovering a new rhythm for my life these days. It is slower than I'm used to, and that has been both wonderful and hard. On the one hand, it feels self-honoring to take things slower, to be more intentional about how I move through my day, to let thoughts and impressions sink in deeper, to let my responses come when they're ready, and to know that what is building in me as I do this will, in the end, be more solid and sure and substantive, a more true offering of me.

But it is humbling, as well. When the world is flying past me at 100 miles an hour, when everyone else has something to say, when it takes me longer to ingest the fullness of a thought than time always seems to allow, when witticisms abound and I don't always catch them on the first go-round, it's hard not to feel like some large, lumbering ox slowly moving across a free expanse where gazelles quite naturally frolic.

These days I have to trust that the real me gaining strength as I let it form organically these days is a better, more true, and healthier fit than the me that drives a world running at 130 percent throttle. As enticing a world it seems I would gain if I keep that speed on my radar, my deeper self just can't abide it. My deeper, truer self wants to be simply, unequivocally who she really is.

Our First Christmas Tree

The first year Kirk and I were married, we lived in a studio garage apartment and decided a Christmas wreath was about the best we could do in that small space. Last year we spent close to two weeks in California for the Christmas holiday, so purchasing a tree in our new home did not make much sense.

This year, though . . . we've gone Christmas!

After a pretty hilarious adventure of strapping a 6-7 foot tree on top of a small white Jetta, Kirk and I hauled home our happy find.

Sollie waits for the Christmas tree elf.

Diva tries to decide what the Christmas hoopla is all about.

We make Christmas ornaments.

We break out the Christmas scent.

We make ready the attendant supplies.

Putting on the lights.

Getting ready the shiny ornaments.

Solomon supervises, of course.

Don't forget the family ornaments.

Pretty tree.